


In Which Gax Has Purely Good Intentions

by APgeeksout



Category: Wondermark (Webcomic)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-25
Updated: 2014-06-25
Packaged: 2018-02-06 03:10:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1842106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/APgeeksout/pseuds/APgeeksout
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens at book club never manages to stay at book club.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which Gax Has Purely Good Intentions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [radondoran](https://archiveofourown.org/users/radondoran/gifts).



"Gax? Darling?" She cleared her throat, and waited for the dearest alien of her acquaintance to turn and incline his peculiar head to her level.

"Yes, Juliana?"

"Do you recall last week's book club?"

"The one where everyone was too busy gossiping about Maureen's sister's neighbor's new footman to discuss the meaning of the painting in _The Goldfinch_? And not even one of you tried the special snacks I brought?" He straightened his long neck, assuming a rigid and haughty posture with the injury to his pride. "I assure you, I recall it all too well!"

"Your 'snacks' were actual goldfinches, Gax."

"Precisely. I brought more than enough to share! A generously-sized charm of goldfinches, and I was forced to consume every last delicious beast entirely on my own!"

"But, Gax, they were still alive. Humans, by and large, do not consume live birds. Particularly not in polite company."

"I dare say your benighted species has no more astute grasp of 'politeness' than of 'cuisine'. Squeamish over a few stray beaks and claws, honestly."

"Yes, quite," she said aridly. "It must be such a trial for you to bear our company."

"I knew you would understand." He bobbed his head toward her in a little gesture of respect. Or perhaps he was sizing her up for a place on his menu? She knew, of course, that Gax was a man-eating carnivore as well as an insightful reader and tatter of impressively delicate lace, but, somehow, in his presence, any concern for her safety always seemed remote and hopelessly quaint. Though she found herself, as always, perfectly content in Gax's company, she recalled that she was in fact still quite miffed at him.

"We've drifted a bit from the subject I hoped to raise," she said, drawing her irritation freshly to mind. "Do you recall that at that meeting, I may have lamented the less-than-romantic habits and predilections of my gentleman-friend Bernard?"

Gax drew one long finger up and tapped it gently to the top of his scaled head. "Something like that does ring a bit of a bell."

"I rather thought it might."

"Juliana, are you well? Is your own memory of book club impaired? I am given to understand that deterioration of mental faculties is an unfortunate consequence of aging in your species. How old are you?"

"Old enough to tell you, dearest Gax, that adult humans usually consider that a rude question, and young enough to assure you that my memory is fully intact. On Earth, the questions I've just put forth to you are called 'rhetorical'."

"Among Gaxians, on our home world," he continued, ignoring much of her response, as she had noted was his habit when he hoped to distract. "the eventuality of mental decline is avoided by means of a ritual _gerguflogax_ , wherein on the forty-second anniversary of spawning, the celebrant is dismembered and their gooshy organs and chitinous limbs consumed by young relatives and peckish passersby."

"That sounds like a very... singular tradition."

"Oh, it certainly is. It would seem rather difficult for one to be devoured on plural occasions. Are you _sure_ you're all right?"

"Yes! Gax! I am perfectly healthy! And before I found myself in this conversation with you, I would have sworn that I was in full possession of my wits."

"I'm glad to hear it! I enjoy your company rather more than I would enjoy your liver at present. It would be a terrible pity to be obliged to eat you in the near future."

"Thank you, I suppose." In all likelihood, there had been a compliment somewhere in that admission; hadn't there?

Gax smiled at her, showing a substantial number of pointed teeth, the expression altogether reptilian and predatory, yet somehow still reassuring.

Juliana paused, overwhelmed with affection, though still determined to air her grievance, and contemplating how best to come to her point.

"Is it possible, Gax, that you could have shapeshifted into, well, my appearance?"

"Possible?" Gax pronounced, his tone incredulous. "Not to toot my own _gaxenhorn _,__ but even among other Gaxians, I am considered a rare talent. Of course it's possible!"

Even as he spoke, Gax's visage began to warp and shift: elongated neck retracting to human proportions, head changing in both shape and surface texture, the flannel-suit-shaped portions of his figure altering themselves into a quite good approximation of her own frock. "Simplest thing in the world!" he crowed to her in her own voice.

She drew and released a single exceedingly deep, exceedingly slow breath. "Allow me to rephrase: On the night following last week's book club, _did_ you shapeshift to appear as me?"

Her Gaxian doppelganger looked down and scuffed the toe of one high-buttoned-boot-shaped appendage against the floor. "It's... possible."

"I see. And while you were impersonating me, did you also pay a visit to Bernard's lodgings?"

"Perhaps."

"And did he, at that time, have a number of friends visiting? Playing poker?"

"I'm sure I couldn't speculate as to whether your Bernard regarded the other occupants as "friends". And I certainly have no idea what manner of human frivolity they were about at the time." Juliana was both impressed and appalled to discover that Gax's simulation of her was so complete as to include the crease that formed between her eyebrows in moments of great displeasure.

"I see. And did you then happen to unhinge your jaw and proceed to ingest the gaming table, all of the cards, wagering chips, currency, snack foods, alcoholic beverages, and component parts of the three non-Bernard players?"

"Would it be very bad if I had?"

"Rather bad, yes."

She rubbed her forehead in the place where the wrinkle of unhappiness always formed. "I know Maureen has discussed this with you previously, Gax. You really must take it to heart: what happens at book club stays at book club!"

"So, when, instead of discussing the events of chapter seventeen, you bemoan the fact that Bernard elects to spend Thursday evenings engaged in low-stakes gambling rather than accompanying you to the symphony, I should..."

"Make sympathetic tutting noises, and perhaps re-fill my sherry glass?"

"I see. Will Bernard at least attend the symphony with you this week?"

"It rather depends upon when he's released from the sanitarium."

Gax shrugged eloquently, shifting into his familiar form. "It was worth a shot. You're by far the least appalling of your kind, and I wished to help."

"Oh, Gax. That's very nearly a lovely sentiment. But it would be best, in future, if you would refrain from eating persons on my behalf."


End file.
